i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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