I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
