About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's rum buckets o'clock
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
