if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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