I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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