Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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