I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
