***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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