btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
