Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
