Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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