Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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