so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
