what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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