you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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