You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
