Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
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my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!