My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.