epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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