the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
