last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
