Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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