is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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