I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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