there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he fucked my hip out of place.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
