You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
