how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
