he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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