Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
