I hate all girls vehemently.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
