this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
