I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Welp...herpes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
