If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
