**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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