Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
