The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
