Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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