would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize