Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
