it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
