I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
