dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
