So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
