i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
