I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
