I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
