so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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