its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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