Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
