Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This is my gift to your gina
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
