I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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