Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
