please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
