Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
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Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize