It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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