he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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