wanna go halves on a baby?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There was a lot of him and a little penis
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
