We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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