1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
