how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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