I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
