and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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