I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
