i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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