you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
