If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
