PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
