haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
