I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
