just tell him i said nine months
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
