You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
