so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
