if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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